


As Time Counts Down

by weegie8



Series: Timer AU [2]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: F/M, M/M, Soulmate-Identifying Timers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-22
Updated: 2015-02-22
Packaged: 2018-03-14 13:33:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3412496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/weegie8/pseuds/weegie8
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Spock,” Jim starts, but then cuts himself off. He doesn't know what he wants to say, but that’s okay, Spock always seems to figure it out for him. The Vulcan reaches for his hand, two fingers rubbing against Jim’s and trailing up to press to his timer.<br/>“Jim.”<br/>Regaining his balance from the grounding touch Jim bursts out of the lift when the doors open. “Mr Sulu, ETA on the approaching ship?”<br/>“Three seconds, sir.”<br/>Alright. Well. Time to see how much Khan had lied.</p>
            </blockquote>





	As Time Counts Down

**Author's Note:**

> Part two, covering the events of stid. Hope you enjoy :)

“I can’t believe- they should _not_ be able to _do_ this!” Jim is pacing, frustration rising.

“Jim,” Spock starts, but is cut off when the human points a finger at him.

“Oh, no. I’m still angry at you.” Jim rests his hand on Spock’s side in a tender way, despite his words. “I am _never_ going to stop fighting for you, for _us_ , but that does not mean I’m not angry with you right now.” He steps away, going back to pacing.

Spock believes him, knowing the anger stems from hurt. Hurt that Spock had filed his report without informing him. Spock had done so in an effort to protect Jim- he had wanted to take full responsibility for their mishap on Nibiru, avoiding Jim getting the blame and having his reputation besmirched. Spock sees now that that had been an error.  An error he would aim to avoid making ever again.

“I will not cease in my efforts either,” Spock assures him. “Separation from you is unacceptable.” It was not entirely unheard of for soulmates to be posted at different stations in certain circumstances, but it was certainly rare and not conventionally accepted.

Jim sighs, dropping heavily on a chair. He runs his hand through his hair then reaches out for Spock. The Vulcan responds, their fingers hooking together.  Spock kneels in front of him, looking up into eyes betraying Jim’s concern. He knew this was where he had to reach out, he had to be more open. He could not let anything be the cause of such distress to them and their connection when he potentially could so easily prevent it. Not anymore.

“They did not make it an official order, not yet. Their reluctance proves that they know it to be unreasonable of a command. I think they are awaiting us to accept it quietly, and take the blame away from them.”

“So all we have to do is not back down.” The anniversary of the loss of Vulcan was coming up in just a few weeks. Va’Pak, The Immeasurable Loss. Jim really didn’t want to be away from Spock at all, but especially during that time. If some stupid report had him away when his soulmate needed his support…

“And not make it easy for them,” Spock adds, letting Jim know he would be as problematic as possible. Jim brightens in understanding.

“That’s not so hard, and I love it when you’re being a sassy little shit,” He says. “Okay. So. We can do this.”

“Affirmative.”

“I’m still kind of annoyed. But we’re going to do this. You can make it up to me after.”

“What if I decide to start doing so now?” Spock asks, bringing Jim’s hand to him so he can kiss his wrist where the timer was. The sensation makes the place of Spock’s own timer warm up over his heart.

“Why, _Mr Spock_ ,” Jim’s tension starts to ease away, one of the outcomes Spock had hoped for. “Are you trying to seduce me?”

Spock never gets to respond because that is when McCoy buzzes himself in, eager to see them.

“Jim. Spock. It’s my timer.” He starts with immediately and his words wipe away any protest. Jim pulls away from Spock to go to his friend.  “It’s still there,” Bones assures them, assures himself. Timers suddenly ending without meeting anyone was always a fear, especially to those who had so much time left counting down. There was more time for something to go wrong, and rarely any way to find out what happened. Leonard’s had always been so far away. When he was old enough to understand what those numbers on his wrist meant exactly, he had been devastated to learn how long it would be until he met his soulmate. “But I’ve suddenly only got days left.”

Bones had made his peace about counting down for someone he was not going to meet for years. And years and years. Maybe he hadn’t made his peace, but when he was young it had seemed so long that trying something with Jocelyn looked like a good idea. After that fell through, all that time left on his wrist seemed like a good chance to focus on recovering from the divorce. Then it was about building his career, finding something better than the nothing he had left. Which somehow had come to include taking care of Jim and watching him and his soulmate be the darn reckless fools they were.

Spock recalls the three occasions his own timer had dropped down in years. Twice was from the actions of Jim, and once was his own- the decision to leave Vulcan and join Starfleet. He could admit that the drop had been somewhat disconcerting, as the time drew closer to when he would meet the being his life would be tied to. But overall he had felt a sort of relief, that his soulmate had existed and been working towards him also.

“Congrats, Bones!” Jim pats him on the shoulder and the doctor manages a smile. “This is good, right?”

“You seem unsettled by this,” Spock comments, pointing out what he knows Jim had noticed also. However he was more blunt in addressing it.

“Yeah, well, something seems a little off about it. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll be happy to finally meet them. But in my profession,” he pauses with a frown, looking up to meet Jim’s eyes. “I don’t always tend to meet people in the best of circumstances.” Some people he only met for the first time Just as he had to operate on them.

Spock senses Jim’s urge to comfort their friend but nothing can be said before Jim’s communicator goes off. He sighs and then turns to find it, looking grim when he listens to the message.

“We have to report to Daystrom. There’s been an attack. Bones, we’ll-”

“Yeah, I know. I’m going to head to the hospital. See if they need any help.”

“Okay. Spock, you’re with me.”

-

Pike meets them outside. Jim is both happy and a little on edge to see him.

“Admiral,” Spock greets, ever formal.

“Maybe not for long, boys.” At Jim’s confused look he explains. “They want me to take the _Enterprise_ back.”

Jim turns guarded while Spock remains impossibly blank. “They _what_?” Jim keeps his voice low, knowing they weren’t in private.  Causing a scene here would be just helping to paint them in a bad light.

“Look, Jim, I’m not going to do it. But they’re trying to sell me on the idea.” He shakes his head.  More like it had been phrased as a ‘suggestion’ for him, now that he had recovered. But he had settled into his routine here and liked the life he had with Number One now. “Don’t get me wrong, your last stunt was reckless, but this is not the way to teach you a lesson.” Trying to make a captain resign and possibly separate a soulmate couple was wrong, this was too underhanded for Pike’s liking.

Jim opens his mouth to argue, to try and see how Pike might help them, but Spock nudges him in their bond. He closes his mouth and straightens up seeing another captain walking over.

“Frank Abbott of the USS _Bradbury._ Pike, Kirk,” the man greets with a nod. “And Mr Spock, I’ve heard you’re interested in joining my crew.”

Jim barely restrains his jaw from dropping. He had no illusions about the fact that Spock was wanted by just about everyone. Genius Vulcan science officer from one of the best ships in the fleet, and gorgeous to boot, who wouldn’t want him? But this was too much. Jim was captain to him and no one else would be. He wants to demand who was feeding Abbott these rumours but Spock sends a little calming wave in the bond. After a moment of staring at Abbot, Jim agrees to let Spock deal with this. Pike grabs his arm and they start to walk in together.

“I’ll see you inside, Commander,” Jim says, his tone not as light as he’d have liked it to be. Inside he sits next to Pike, but places his hat in front of the empty chair on his other side, subtly claiming it as taken. He does his best not to pick at the bond to see what Spock was saying, waiting until Spock slides smoothly into the chair, pushing Jim’s hat back in front of the human. 

“I told him the _Enterprise_ is where I belong,” Spock says pre-emptively, knowing his bondmate was curious. Jim smiles, brushing a thumb over his own wrist so that Spock feels the sensation play over the skin where his timer was. Jim was pleased, Spock gladly notes. He was going to make up for that report in one way or another.  

-

Jim asks about the archive, and then makes the point that if Harrison had already made someone else do the bombing for him, why would he have let himself be witnessed at the scene? Marcus immediately shuts that down.

“Maybe he suffers from an overriding urger to observe his handiwork in person. Maybe it’s because he’s a-”

“Admiral, may I interject?”

Everyone shifts their attention to Spock, some of them obviously shocked that a first officer would interrupt like that. Jim does his best to hide his smile and looks down to check over the security images again. Spock had immediately picked up on the argument Jim was making, and then makes several of his own, taking over and talking to the entire room. Jim loved watching him work. As Spock talks, Jim feeds him little thoughts and random facts or observations he has made. Spock either sets these aside, or seamlessly works them into his speech. It was something they did often enough at conferences that they were both comfortable doing it. Jim liked how good they could be together, current issues due to a report not included. The way that they’re sharing their thoughts on this means they both come to the same conclusion at the exact same time.

“Sir,” Jim takes over smoothly but urgently, the attention shifting back to him now as he recites the protocol of meeting in this exact room. “Is this area secure?”

Spock hears the sound first, opening their connection so that Jim was aware of it as well. Then the light changes. Jim stands, heart starting to race.

 “Clear the room!”

-

Jim is furious, pacing out the front of Pike’s hospital room when Spock comes for him.

“This was a deliberate attack.”

“Yes,” Spock replies simply.

“He planned all of this.”

“I know.”

“Then what the fuck is he trying to do?”

Spock holds out his communicator. Jim had not been answering his own. “It is Lieutenant Gaila.” Jim frowns at it but knows Spock would not interrupt him were it anything less than important.

“Gaila. What do you have for me?”

“Something you’re going to want to see. It’d help if you actually answered your own communicator, but Scotty and I pulled something from the wreckage.” Jim looks up sharply at Spock who nods. He glances to the door with a sigh. Bones was in there, he trusted Bones. This needed his attention. “Alright. Where are you?”

-

“I’m taking Spock as my first officer,” Jim tells Marcus, as if daring him to object. Of course, he never stopped being that, Jim thinks defiantly. He’d like to see anyone try to pull any bullshit now. There is a brush through the bond that lets him know Spock heard that, but then Spock hears a lot of things he wouldn’t share with anyone else, sometimes even things that Jim does not mean to share with Spock at the time.

Marcus shrugs. “Sure.”

Well. That had been easy.

-

Spock was unsettled by the entirety of this mission, Jim can tell. But he doesn’t want to address it. Jim wanted answers, wanted Harrison to face what he had done. If Marcus seemed overly accommodating of that, he just wanted the same thing. He was the fleet admiral. He wanted what was best for Starfleet, for the Federation. The only one he needed to be suspicious of was Harrison. The murderer. He was the one who attacked them, hurt Pike, and then fled to Qo’noS. The fact they were operating completely under the radar and were assigned 72 long ranged missiles was just a means to an end.

Jim was unsettled by the entirety of this mission, Spock can tell.

-

“Scotty just quit,” Jim blurts the moment he’s alone in the lift with Uhura.  She looks down and closes her eyes, hand clasping over her timer.

“I thought something had happened.”

“I’m sorry, I’m sure he- it was about the-”

“No, it’s fine, Captain.” When he goes to protest or try to apologise again she shakes her head. “Jim. It’s for me and him to figure out. I know what this ship means to him, and what I mean to him. If he quit, there was a good reason to.”

“Then... this isn’t going to be a problem?” He knows that reason was partly him, but shoves that idea down. There was too much else he was trying to deal with, he did not want this gnawing away at him too. It would, though.

“There’ll only be a problem if he leaves the ship without seeing me first.”

“So you’re not going with him?” He doesn’t know if he’d like to go somewhere without Spock. Even now, when things were that bit tense, he wants Spock there. Jim could manage on his own, had done so for many years. But he did not have to be alone now, and liked the way Spock balanced him out. “I wouldn’t hold it against you if you did.” She was the best at her job, Jim would like her there, but he couldn’t order her to stay, he didn’t work like that.

“You and Spock don’t control each other, right? I mean, you’ll do anything for each other, but you’re still your own person. Me and Monty are the same. We’ll sort through this, don’t worry.” She didn’t exactly want to be without him for the mission, and the ship would need him too. But, if this was something he needed to do, she would let him. And she was sure that after this things would settle back down and sort themselves back to normal. Nothing about this mission was exactly normal right now, she could not force her soulmate into anything. But she was going to get answers, and then she was going to do her duty.

-

“So, are you gonna file a report about this?” Jim asks smartly. He shouldn’t have, he knows Spock felt bad about it, but really. They were sitting in a confiscated ship, dressed as smugglers, and disobeying an admiral’s orders. He kind of had to.

-

“I’m a friend of Christine Chapel’s,” Carol tells him.

“Christine? How is she?” Jim asks with concern. She had been in his crew for almost a year but was currently on leave for one of the worst reasons- her soulmate had died. He had been away on scientific research and they had been engaged to get married as soon as he had returned. Christine had known the second that he would not be.

“Better, now. She wants to get back to Starfleet once she’s finalised sorting everything out,” she tells him.

“Let her know her place is waiting here still, if you’re talking to her.”

He could not imagine it how painful it must be, to lose your soulmate. The loss he would feel if Spock was taken from him like that was unfathomable. Jim does not want to consider it; he would never let anything happen to Spock.

-

Bones gets a call that he’s needed in the shuttle bay and he frowns, glancing at his wrist. There were only minutes left. _They_ would be there. Whatever Jim was about to ask him to do, it was going to lead to this one moment he had been waiting his whole life for. He had half feared that his soulmate would be this Harrison when they first went to bring him onto the ship. But it was someone else, someone he was going to meet right now, and for some stupid reason he can’t get his feet to move. God, hadn’t he wanted this forever? Even when he had tried to build a life with Jocelyn, he had still wanted this. And now he was – dammit, get a hold of yourself. He shakes his head, grabbing his kit. This was it, they were his and he would finally have someone he belonged to, that would want him and actually keep him this time. This was a good thing.

He recalls all the times he had talked to Jim about this, the stories they shared. How many times he told Jim to just wait, because whoever was on the other end of that counter was going to be so worth it, so much better than anything you could try and fill the gaps in your life with. He takes a breath and nods to himself. Yes, this was a good thing. And now, he was needed in the shuttle bay.

“Hey, Bones, I need to get back up to the bridge, but you’ll be going out with Carol.”

“The Admiral’s daughter?” McCoy asks, eyes bulging. Was this- of all the people- her? She had been in the shuttle when he was just trying to make sure that Jim was alright. He’d glanced at her briefly while she was looking the other way, managing to avoid making eye contact with her at the time. If he had known…

“Yeah, I know,” Jim shakes his head, mind elsewhere. “Look, I’ll fill you in later, but she needs your help. You’ll be going to a completely uninhabited planetoid, and,”

Well, that sealed it. Unless there was a random Klingon or something hiding there and was missed by their scanners. “Jim.”

“It works better that way, because you’re taking one of those torpedoes to the surface and-”

“ _Jim._ ” He stops this time, mind slowing to recognise his friend isn’t just objecting. He has something to say. Jim feels bad, but his mind had been so busy trying to sort out all of this shit they were caught in, he hadn’t even seen how- Oh.

“Show me,” he says, holding out a hand for McCoy’s wrist. Bones lifts it without hesitation, pulling his sleeve down. Less than two minutes. Jim blinks then looks over his shoulder at the shuttle. She hadn’t even said a thing, but it was possible Carol didn’t think Jim had a right to know, or she had been so caught up in this like he had?

“Well, um, I guess I’ll leave you two alone?”

Bones drops his arm, looking past Jim to the shuttle. “Yeah.”

“I’ll be on the bridge. Keep in touch, we really need to sort all of this out.” He stops and claps a hand on his shoulder. “Bones, good luck.”

 -

“-And then, when you’re interdicting the original linkage, you will have to avoid an automatic signal reroute if you-”

She had not stopped talking since he got inside the shuttle. She had not looked at him. Well, not in the eyes, she did glance at his feet a moment ago. She was very concerned with what they were going to do, Bones could tell as she ferried tools and equipment from one side of the shuttle to the other. But she was also very nervous. And that was fine, McCoy had been too. He would let her have this moment. There were only seconds left.

“Miss Wallace, or Marcus, or whatever you want me to call you.” She stills but doesn’t turn around yet. “I know this is a lot, hell, I’m as nervous as you look. And we have a lot to cover, a lot of history, at least on my part. And I’m not going to force us into some immediate lovey dovey situation, we’re in the middle of a crazy mission right now I’m probably going to spend the rest of it in sickbay. But I’d like it, before we go and fiddle with a torpedo of all things, if I could just look into your eyes.”

“Marcus,” she says and finally turns. Bones feels his wrist burn in the most oddly pleasing way but he cannot draw his eyes away from hers. Not when time had stopped like this. “Carol Marcus.” He smiles and she does too.

“Leonard McCoy. It’s an honour to finally meet you, Carol.”

-

Jim races down to sickbay, Spock right behind him. The bulky torpedo almost took up the whole examination room, but Bones was seated on the bed, checking on his arm. Carol was watching over the torpedo but she kept looking to McCoy.

“What have you learned?” Jim asks her, getting his first glimpse of what was inside. Holy shit. He really needed to figure out what was going on here. This got bigger with everything they found. Carol explains as much as she can about how the torpedo had been altered to accommodate for the person frozen inside and the support needed to keep them frozen. But it didn’t tell them much else about who, or why. “But he’s still alive in there?” Not just some way to preserve the dead, or hide a body.

“Yeah, he’s alive,” Bones cuts in, walking over to join them. He blinks and then smiles softly at Carol when she gives him a peck on the cheek. Jim doesn’t comment. They had just almost been blown up after all. God, what had he been thinking sending them out there like that? Spock subtly brushes a finger against his hand, bringing Jim back from the fear of losing his best friend. Right, mission.  It had been necessary. And they were both alright now. He could not live in those what ifs. Just use them to learn from later.

“Then he can be revived.”

“Not without the proper equipment,” Bones explains. “An attempt could just as soon kill him as revive him. The technology’s beyond me.”

“How advanced is it?” Spock asks. Jim can see what he’s thinking. This could be another thing from the future, brought back somehow and now they’re dealing with all of the repercussions. Again.

“It’s not advanced,” Carol takes his question. Bones just sort of gazes at her like she’s about to reveal the most fascinating thing he’s ever heard. God, did Jim do this around Spock all the time? “That cryotube is ancient, Mr Spock.”

McCoy cuts into an explanation about the tests they’ve run, and concludes with the fact that the man in the tube was three hundred years old.

Jim frowns at him then turns to look at Spock. Spock nods. It felt good to be on the same page again. Without a word they both head out for the brig.

-

“Three hundred years ago- wasn’t there some dictator named Khan? I’m sure I studied something with that name in it,” Jim murmurs, knowing Spock would hear him. He doesn’t really have the time to consider it much further, his mind was still trying to sort out all the information Harrison, or _Khan_ , had just given him. Truth, lie, elaborate scheme? Whatever, they had an unidentified ship coming towards them at warp, and Jim has a sinking feeling he does know who was on it. He doesn’t want to be right.

And he was still a little shaken how Khan had boasted the lack of a soulmate timer. That it was part of his breeding that made him better, impervious to weaknesses. He understood that some species did not have them, but Khan’s whole attitude about the thing, as if he could not wait to prove how their link was just a source for pain, sat completely wrong with Jim.

“The Eugenic Wars, yes. But we cannot know if they are the same,” Spock says. His own mind was organising everything he had learnt, calculating possibilities for a handful of the most likely scenarios. Not a lot looked good. And Khan may be trying to manipulate them, but there was truth to some of what he had said. Depending on how much truth was how much they had to worry about Marcus.

“Spock,” Jim starts, but then cuts himself off. He doesn’t know what he wants to say, but that’s okay, Spock always seems to figure it out for him. The Vulcan reaches for his hand, two fingers rubbing against Jim’s and trailing up to press to his timer.

“Jim.”

Regaining his balance from the grounding touch Jim bursts out of the lift when the doors open. “Mr Sulu, ETA on the approaching ship?”

“Three seconds, sir.”

 Alright. Well. Time to see how much Khan had lied.

-

When Carol is finally brought in front of her father she slaps him. She had the whole walk here to transition from shocked disappointment to something more disgusted and angry. “I am ashamed to be your daughter,” she says. But he is not looking at her. He’s looking at her wrist, his grip tight on her arm.

“When.”

It’s not exactly a questions but Carol sees a chance here, another moment to attempt something to help. “On the ship, I met them. It you destroy the ship, you destroy a lot of good people, my soulmate among them,” she points out clearly, keeping her voice level. “You don’t have to do this, Dad.” She would not reveal who Leonard was, not give a hint, and then her dad would have to spare all of them. They could get away if she kept him distracted with this. Her father finally drops her arm and steps away.

“I already told Kirk I wasn’t going to spare any of them. Too many witnesses. I’ve learnt to live without my soulmate, you’ll just have to do the same.”

She has a moment of being unable to comprehend that, but when it hits her it hits her hard. “ _No!_ ” she screams, launching herself at him. Two of the guards grab her from behind and drag her to a corner of the bridge before she can make contact. She can’t break their hold no matter how much she struggles. “You can’t do this,” she begs, but it falls on deaf ears.

-

Spock is tense. He prescribes just as much to the theory that they should live out their own lives, that this was their path to forge and he should not be reliant on information from his alternate self. But even so, he is making an exception now. There is so much panic, and pain, and fear, all feeding through the bond and he is starting to have difficulty telling the difference between his own and Jim’s. So he had gotten Uhura to make the call.

He has barely said the name ‘Khan’ and he can see a visible reaction in his older self. Perhaps not visible to everyone, but as a man watching himself, Spock could tell. They had faced him in that other universe, and it had not been good.

The other Spock talks, hinting at what he should not share, but revealing in fact that Khan was one of the most ruthless enemies they had faced. It does not bode well and fits all too easily in with what Spock knows for himself. The alternate Spock pauses. “As you are in the captain’s chair I am led to believe however you might have already encountered this for yourself. Spock, where is Captain Kirk?”

They both know he means more than that. Where is your bondmate? Jim was not just the captain, he was his soulmate. They both know how important he is. They came from different lives, but that was one thing remained a constant.

“He is with Khan.”

Their eyes meet, both of them look grim; one because he knows what that man is capable of, and one because he does not and is left in fear for his bondmate.

“Then there are things I must tell you.”

-

The way Kahn smirks as he talks with Spock sets the Vulcan on edge. Jim’s distant thought earlier, of how it looked like Khan just wanted to use their bond to hurt them seemed true. Spock does his best not to give a hint of anything, except for a carefully fed edge of worry to his expression. His plan would work better if Khan believed Spock truly was out of options. All the while he is reaching out for Jim through their bond, checking that he is okay after he has dropped off the edge of the screen.

Jim is thankfully returned and Spock can only spare a second to ask through the bond if Jim, Scott and Marcus were indeed safe before ensuring the ship was ready for the nearby explosion. It rocks the ship, the result outweighs that disruption however because the _Vengeance_ ’s weapons are neutralised. But as Sulu is reporting on this everything goes wrong. Even auxiliary power is failing. And then they get caught in Earth’s gravity.

Spock sends out orders for evacuation, and is shocked when everyone disobeys him. It was a fine crew indeed that he and Jim had collected, he thinks. But now was time for action. He and Sulu exchange orders, doing what they need to do to direct everyone around them. Spock can spare no thought for anything other than every possibility for saving more of the crew and working with Sulu and the rest of the bridge crew to perform every viable option. But they were still falling, all they could hope to do was get out as many people as they can.

Jim is not on the bridge, he must be doing what he can on the lower decks, but Spock knows he would not be evacuating until the rest of his crew has. And that was looking to be more than a difficult task at the moment, with the trouble Spock was having up here.

‘I am sorry, T’hy’la,’ he sends.

‘Me too,’ Jim replies a moment later. ‘So, _so_ , sorry.’

And that is when power returns.

-

The _Enterprise_ is saved. They say it’s a miracle. In the moment of calm they finally have, Spock realises that no, it is not. It is more human than that.

By then, he does not even need Scott to call him to let him know it was too late.

-

Spock breaks. No, he does not break himself. But everything tying him to Jim does and he does not know how to cope. Was there even a way to cope with the giant, raw wound where Jim had been connected to him? This was different to when his planet had been destroyed. He had felt that, all too keenly, and he was tied to his kind. He had heard them all cry out as they were lost. He had been tied to them, yes, but they were not a _part_ of him like Jim is. Was. His soulmate, his bondmate, his everything was dead. Spock cannot even tell if he is still breathing himself when his side stings, right over his heart. Was that taken from him too? He drops his gaze down, lifting his shirt and-

No. He would not accept this.

Three weeks. Twenty-one days. Five hundred and seven point three nine hours.

His timer had restarted.

He screams.

-

Those numbers had had been his only constant. He had changed planets, enlisted in a job that meant he did not stay in one place for lengths of time, and had made himself be less sentimental about such things. But for all those years, the numbers had been the one thing he knew he had. They held the idea that someone was out there who would be his, and he would be theirs. Someone who would hopefully accept him like no other had, would care for him and he could care for in return. His Jim had been that and more. The timer may have been his constant, but Jim was everything that it had stood for.

And Khan had ruined that. His t’hy’la was gone, because of what Khan had done, what Khan had put them through. And then the last thing he might have left, that counter, Khan had taken that too.

It was because of him Spock could feel numbers moving over the thunderous beat of his heart. His timer had reset. That instinctual awareness all Vulcans had of their timer had settled again in the back of his mind. He was aware of every second as it passed, bleeding into the minutes that meant he was further away from Jim and closer to another. His timer had reset.

 It was unheard of. Impossible. But it was counting down to another.

Spock roared with fury, coming at Khan again and again. Khan who had no numbers of his own, calling the attachment a weakness. Spock would show him weakness. Spock would show him just how Jim drove him, how his revenge would be taken. Spock would show him through the blows of his fists and the strength of anger, just how much Spock had lost.

How _dare_ those numbers count down to someone who was not Jim. It was unthinkable, he had bonded to Jim in every way. His husband, his bondmate, his soulmate. He does not want this. He knows if he lets up, if he gives in for a second, he will be done. Not only is he and Khan evenly matched, but Spock- under all the wrath, Spock was heartbroken. He did not want to let that devastation grab hold of him, because he does not know if he will wish to fight when it does.

He is only able to keep track of how long he has been fighting Khan for through the new timer, ticking down. Otherwise he was ignorant to everything else, other than the chase, and every solid hit he can land on the man. Because of this, he is ignorant to the call, and to Uhura beaming down until the last moment. But then she says Jim’s name, she says he could be saved. That has Spock’s attention.

-

Spock never leaves Jim’s side. He annoys McCoy in this regard, but the doctor cannot force the Vulcan away. Not just because of how stubborn Spock was, but because of the way Spock watches Jim. Eyes hollow yet never leaving him. The Vulcan is there every time Bones comes, and then every time he leaves. Though, he does not leave often. Not at first at least.

For the first week he spends almost as much time as Spock does in that room. Once Jim has been stabilised, Bones feels less apprehensive about spending time away. He spends this time with Carol. She had been through a lot, too, and they understand each other’s pain. They spend most nights curled together, hardly speaking or even sleeping, but being there for each other. It’s a kind of support Leonard hasn’t had in a long time, he thinks she hasn’t either.  They only part when Bones goes back to the hospital, to Jim and the always waiting Spock.

Jim’s counter has gone to static, unreadable and frozen. It was what happened when patients were out like this, McCoy has seen it before. But it has never hurt so much.

Spock’s hand always rests on his side, where his heart is and where Bones knows the timer he carries is. Was. Is. It was counting down again. It was virtually unheard of, even in McCoy’s profession he does not know how this happened. But he feels the heavy kind of tension about it. If- if by some twisted, messed up reasoning, they managed to bring Jim back and then Spock ends up with another soulmate, Bones really does not know what he is going to do. What he would even be able to do.

-

Spock knows that if Jim does not wake up in five days, then he truly was destined to be another’s soulmate. Those five days are impossibly long to the Vulcan.

-

“Do not _ever_ pull a crazy stunt like that again,” Spock orders once he can move again, rushing forward to kiss Jim. But he is impossibly gentle with the human, cradling his face and lowering him back gently when he tries to sit up. Jim stares with wide eyes, chest rising and falling quickly but not rapidly enough to cause concern. Jim still felt it, that first initial moment where time stood still, exactly like when he had locked eyes with Spock the first time at the hearing. His wrist won’t stop tingling and he would say he had the life kissed out of him but Spock had treated him like he was so fragile. Like he thought Jim would slip away if he was not careful enough with him. It was almost as if…

No, but he had. He had died, in that core. Scotty said they wouldn’t make the climb. He can remember. Then he- that was why he felt it, that moment of meeting the eyes of your soulmate for the first time. Because he had. It was the first time, since coming back to life. His wrist throbs and he looks at it, feeling as if his counter had started and stopped again. Which means Spock’s had. Probably from the moment Jim died. Oh, God, Spock. He pulls the Vulcan closer who follows eagerly but gently, so _so_ gently. He wants to tease him, say he’s not breakable but maybe it’s not the time and he thinks he might start crying anyway so he keeps his mouth shut, wrapping around Spock and tentatively poking along their bond. It’s there, but faint, as if it had left and does not know if it has a place still. He shakes his head, burying it against Spock as he pushes what he can along the bond, trying to strengthen it and encourage Spock to do the same from his end. 

He finally looks up when he hears Bones beside the bed, checking on his vitals. “Thanks, Bones,” he murmurs, feeling Spock repair what they have. He was feeling better already, his soulmate wrapped around him, his best friend watching over them.  There was a lot to deal with, he thinks. Too much he didn’t know yet, and he was still trying to wrap his mind around what had happened to him. But for now he feels like he can handle it.

-

“So, you really did beat his ass,” is the first thing Jim greets Spock with when he walks in their room. The Vulcan had gone out to collect supplies, the first time he had left Jim in a week since they had returned to their apartment. Jim had obviously used this time to look things up from the way he waved his PADD to emphasise his words.

“I mean, you really went all out, Spock.”

“Yes.” There was no use in denying it; if Jim had seen it then he would know. They had spent this week entirely wrapped up in each other. Jim had not fully recovered but McCoy had allowed him out, saying that the change would probably help him if he did not strain himself too much. Spock had not wanted to leave Jim’s side and Jim had been accommodating of that. Such time was spent quite unproductively in regards to many normal daily routines, but Spock found he did not care. He had lost Jim. Lost him. He was going to indulge in staying with him as long as they wanted.

However he had needed to go out, that was a necessity. And it had given Jim the time he needed to look it up. Of course, Spock and McCoy had filled him in at the hospital, and he had received messages from various members of the crew. But nothing had quite implied just how Spock had gone after Khan. He had been fury and rage and unstoppable in his goal of making him pay. Spock worries now that perhaps that might frighten Jim.

“No, hey, c’mere,” Jim shuffles to the side a bit, indicating for Spock to sit next to him. The human was still in bed as leaving it for too long brought on tiredness and aches sometimes, as much as Jim hated that. He had covered it mostly, by saying how much he has always wanted to get Spock in bed for a week and do nothing else. But his frustration has been there on the times he forces himself out of bed, to walk around their apartment or search for a book. The nightmares are not helping either.

They both have them and wake up gasping and searching for the other, just to make sure that they are okay. Alive. Still there. They do not really talk about the nightmares, not yet. Just remain to support each other and comfort and soothe as best they can.

“I already knew you’re capable of all that, I mean you don’t show your full strength often but I know you can handle yourself in a fight. That’s not- I’m not shocked or scared of that,” Jim assures Spock once the Vulcan is sitting next to him. He reaches out for his hand and Spock meets him halfway, both still feeling that need to connect after having been separated by the glass. “And I can- can only imagine what I would have done if- if you…” He doesn’t finish that thought. Won’t. Because it is not one that leads to anything happy. “So I’m not mad or disappointed in you. I just want to, I don’t know. I want to ask if you’re okay, but I know you won’t be, hell _I’m_ not. But I need to know. Spock, are you?”

It is the loss of control Jim is referring to here. Spock- Jim is right. He is not okay. Not yet. Part of him thinks he should be better than that, be more _Vulcan_ than that. But then the part of him that considers what it would be like to have to face that again thinks that discarding his Vulcan self would be easier, would be preferable, than having to lose Jim. He cannot deny it has happened, he can only choose how it was going to affect him now on. The way he had grown up, training himself to be as Vulcan as possible, is something he cannot unlearn overnight, this is not an instant change he can make to himself. However it is something he can work on and make his peace with. He was half human after all.

“I will be,” he answers finally because Jim was still waiting, watching him. He will, one day. He may never escape the fear of the possibility of losing Jim again, but he can get used to everything else. It seemed an easier feat than facing that possibility again.

“You’re sure?” Jim turns his hand over, not quite playing with Spock’s fingers because he knows that can be distracting but he is tracing and exploring.

“Yes. Will you?”

“I think so.” He puts Spock’s hand down only because he is reaching out for the other. Spock surrenders it without a thought. “Let’s go somewhere.”

“Do you have a specific location in mind?” Spock had not expected the change in topic but would follow along for now.

“No, not yet. But just you and me, somewhere nice. Away from, well, everything.”

Spock nods slowly as he considers it. “Of course, wherever you wish.” He thinks they both could use the time away. Jim needed an escape and Spock just needed Jim. But not somewhere where they felt locked away or forced to relive what they had gone through a month ago. As long as they have a final check in with McCoy, Spock thinks it should all be fine to organise. Jim starts smiling, drawing himself out of the mood their conversation had made and Spock is glad for it. It does not have his usual brightness, but it was still a smile. They were both getting there.

“I’ll start looking some places up,” Jim states as he lays down, pulling Spock with him as he goes. Spock brings the blankets up over them while Jim reaches for his PADD, swiping away what he had been looking at before without paying attention to it. “Somewhere warm,” he muses out loud. “Unless we just want an excuse to do nothing but cuddle together.”

“My preference does lean towards warm, we can still cuddle regardless of temperature if that is a concern.”

“In theory we could cuddle just about anywhere, but that theory goes to shit when I start getting all sweaty and gross and you remain all perfectly unperturbed. And even then you’ll probably ask for a blanket.” Jim is starting to tease, Spock realises. Something he has not done in some time and Spock welcomes it.

“We can relocate if that becomes an issue.”

“What, just pack up and go because I got sweaty?”

“I was thinking something more along the lines of moving to the shower, but if you want a change that dramatic we can do that also.”

Jim looks thrilled by the idea. “The shower is a very good choice.” His smile softens and he reaches out to cup Spock’s face, leaning in so their foreheads are touching. “I love you.”

“And I love you.”

“T’hy’la,” Jim says and Spock kisses him in agreement. “Alright, then, let’s pick somewhere good.”


End file.
